The Male Female Friendship Dynamic

BestiesI have, in the last few months, been lucky enough to have made an amazing guy friend who has been a great influence during a challenging period. Being single for the first time in a while has allowed me to jump into a friendship with a guy and I have enjoyed almost every minute of it.

I have always been “one of the boys” and a bit of a tomboy, I love playing and watching sports, I’m a sucker for beautiful cars and can appreciate a good set of boobs. So it goes without say that I have always just hung about the boys even from the earliest age.

My very first friend at nursery school was a boy however, as I headed into late high school and started dating more seriously, those friendships tended to fall into the background. He and I have had such good laughs together in the last few months playing hockey, having dance-offs and just really getting to know someone of the opposite sex with no strings attached. This is the first time since my teen years that I have been able to really have great fun with the boys again.

Mixed gender friendships certainly have an interesting dynamic now as adults. It can be quite a task to discern between some complicated emotions and to resist the natural urge to just jump into a relationship. Neither he nor I want a relationship right now, which is great as the boundaries are quite clear between us; that this friendship will be nothing more than that. Our circle of friends seem to be fascinated with the fact that we have never kissed or slept together, which says a lot about our society and the general resistance towards boy-girl friendships. At every social gathering we are both questioned about our motives and if anyone had made a move yet. I don’t understand why, when a guy and girl are close friends, everyone immediately thinks it is impossible without the sexual aspect confusing the dynamic and that at some point we must just “stop denying our feelings and just date.”

That is not to say that there is no attraction there. I am attracted to him, he is a fantastic person, we talk about every aspect of our lives with each other, including our romantic lives, and we have spoken about the dynamics of our friendship at-length. We have been open about our attraction to each other, I find him to be a very good-looking guy and he has passed some comments too but that is as far as it goes. It is ironic though, he is probably one of the very few people I could have a successful and happy relationship with but in my mind the reason it works so well is that we aren’t in a relationship.

There is no pressure or obligation to see each other, but we see each other almost every day and we see each other because we both really want to. I don’t get offended or feel rejected if he tells me he doesn’t want to see me, and he the same. He can go off and have wild nights and appear at my door at 01:30 in the morning and I’m not angry, but rather sit and listen to his stories about his escapades until the early hours of the morning.

This man holds such a special place in my heart, and I know he will hate me for saying it, but I really do love him. Not romantic love, that is fickle and jealous and complicated. I have a real love for him that is simple and inexplicable really. On days I don’t see him it feels as though something is missing. I love him so much and love what we have, it is so much better than any relationship could provide.

PS.

This piece from SoulPancake’s The Science of Love channel has some great points: Can Men and Women Be Just Friends?

There is also this interesting blog called Forty Days of Dating where a set of GB best friends decide to date for forty days to see if being together would really work.